"Where did AIDS come from?"

"Where did AIDS come from??" That's the question I was asked... Of course I gave the text book regurgitated answer of my education... "From a monkey in Africa."

"Why all of a sudden did it appear? It wasn't there before." The argument continued... Again regurgitation, "It was a virun that mutated... I think."

The truth is, I never thought about it... I have never thought about anything but my life and myself for as long as I can think... School never taught me to think about what I was learning... and I became a fantastic regurgitator... So fantastic, I graduated top of the class...

It is with thanks to the contributors of blogs that I have learned to open my eyes a little to the world around me... To be able to see things from another perspective... Te be able to learn the pain of others and thus compassion for others... It has helped me to overcome my judgements... I have begun a journey of world discovery- I'm done focussing on myself all the time...

The price of comfort

A couple of weeks ago, the baby hadnt eaten her dinner too well... so when I put her to bed as usual, I was concerned about her being hungry during the night... So, being the good mom that I am, I carried her downstairs and put her at the table, peeled her a banana... and went to the sink for a small cup of water...

I filled her cup, drank it myself, then filled it again to bring to the table for the baby... As I turn around, the baby starts screaming and so I glance at her real quick and realize that her knee is stuck between the spindles of the chair. At first, I figure no big deal right; just push it out. It didn't work that way. She was really stuck. Now I begin to panic.

Well, my saving grace is our oldest Mia. Whenever I can't be with Celia and the baby really wants me, she will accept Mia as a substitute... So I yelled to her to get out of bed. She came down worried cause it isn't often that her sister is screaming and I am in panic mode. I ask her to hold the chair at an angle, this took some of the pressure off of the baby's leg. The baby is still screaming and I went to call 911... Who else do you call?? I am in the house alone- still don't know my neighbors... and I am scared cause my baby is screaming. Of course the guy on the phone, only speaks French. While, yes, I am ok in the language... I am too stressed to try to deal with it... So I force him to talk English... I give him our address. He, in turn, then contacts the local 911. The french operator says that the address has been confirmed. Mind you, we live only 2 streets from the hospital- where the ambulance was located. It took 24 minutes from the time that I called and the time that they arrived. The 911 operator gave them the wrong address. (Still don't know what confirmation means if they can't get the address correct.) Turns out they were on the other end of the street at a variation of our address. The paramedics got our of their bus and started walking into the house that they were at. The people there were sitting watching tv and were quite surprised. By the time the paramedics arrived, Celia had calmed some- not enough- and the sight of two strange men coming into our home really scared her.

The end of the story- it took a hack saw to get the baby out of the chair. Plus the subsequent bill of $50 for the ambulance to come. Good news- Celia is fine. Mommy's a bit frayed. But baby weathered the storm perfectly.

Letter to my Father in Law

To my future father-in-law,

There comes a time in every girl's life where she needs to leave the arms of her father and go out into the world. It is there that she gets battered and pushed aside, and made to feel like she is nothing. Then she meets someone who brings the feelings of safety and security that she had once known. It is this feeling that tells her that this person is the "One". Sir, your daughter is all of that for me.

Your daughter has taught me many things. She has taught me forgiveness. Forgiveness for my faults. She has taught me tenderness. Tenderness while I cried. Sir, your daughter has taught me the greatest quality of all- unconditional love. Unconditional love while I was healing, when I bruised her, when I pushed her aside.

The love and admiration that I feel for your daughter are endless. It is her love that has made me a new person. It is her patience that has made me a better person. I am who I am because of her.

Sir, this is a testament of my love for your daughter. I will Honor her, cherish her, be loyal to her, and put no one else before her, forever! Simply... I love her.

It is with this that we ask your blessing.

With best regards,
Your future daughter-in-law

Our $500 Baby- Thanks Kristine!!

Homebirthing is a personal choice... and one that I wouldn't have made so easily if I knew that I had any other option... I am an American living in Canada. Here, in a land where health care is free, I didn't think I was eligible to participate in their programs. And I also didn't want to have to pay-off a huge medical bill... So, my partner and I did the research, got comfortable with the idea and then found a midwife.

"Homebirth?!? You must be a hairy legged, arm hair happy, natural foods loving hippie!!" On the contrary, I am just a normal (whatever that means) person... Occassionally I forget to shave my legs, but my underarms are hair free... And I love to eat at fast food joints.. Nothing like fries and a burger!!

But anyways, I was dubbed a high-risk pregnancy because of a blood disorder that I have where my body doesn't create and maintain an adequate amount of platelets... I bleed easily and heavily... But through careful monitoring by blood counts... and taking some natural something or other my midwife gave me, I was able to increase my platelets high enough to be considered in the normal range.

In the beginning of my pregnancy(the first 6 months), I drove the 18 hours monthly back and forth to Massachusetts for our doctors visits... I was determined to make sure that everything was ok for baby... We had our last ultrasound on January 3rd, just two days before my state health care was cut-off... At that point, baby was healthy and looked like she was going to be small...

At my last midwife check-up, I was measured and even then, the baby was small... My midwife said probably around 6 lbs. or so...

The baby arrived right on schedule... Labor began at 9:30 on a Sunday night... I didn't sleep at all during the night... Hard and heavy contractions came and went all night long. My midwife came the following morning around 9:30 or so... She said she wasn't worried and that everything would be ok... The one thing that no one ever tells you is about your body's need to empty all of it's contents before giving birth... So, I had a considerable amount of pain all ready...

After going through a night and then a long morning of contractions, I just wanted to go sit in the bathtub and rest in the water... As I made my way towards the stairs, my water broke (around noon) and I was steered towards my bed... At this point, my contractions worsened and became even harder...

In preparation for our home birth, we bought a birthing ball which is supposed to lessen the pain of the contractions... (it did nothing)... We also installed a railing along the wall so that I could have support and be able to give birth in a squat position... This was the best thing that I could have ever done!! and even in a hospital setting, I highly recommend it...

Our homebirth wasn't without disturbances... You can't just put on the door, "Do not disturb- baby delivery in progress!!" and of course, of all days, this was the day the contractor came for the siding... which was being replaced under warranty.

Well, the long and short of it all, baby was born at 2:36pm. She was a healthy 8lbs. 2 oz. baby girl!! Her face was blue from bruising. She was also born with her right hand up on her face...

Looking back, there isn't one thing that I would have changed about the experience that I had...
Celia was born into the arms of my partner... She was held close by her family... not whisked away to be poked and prodded by some stranger... And when baby number 5 comes along- even though I have health care... I still will choose to have my new baby at home... in a loving environment!!

Why did you leave without ever looking back?

Do you ever think of me? the girl whose hand you held... in the front seat of that old stationwagon.

Do you ever think of me? the girl whose lips you kissed... on a Friday night in your bedroom in the dark.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who looked at you anew... the following Saturday morning before we traipsed off into the woods with our sleds.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who flirted with you... while playing basketball in the driveway in front of your dad.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who would reply and write you letters... instead of listening to my teachers.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who would listen to love songs... on the tape that you made for me.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who would meet you in the locker room... just so we could steal a kiss or two or many.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who pushed your long hair behind your ears... just so I could see your eyes.

Do you ever think of me? the girl who gently touched your cheek... while you cried and cried and cried.

Do you ever think of me? the girl whose heart you broke... when you never even said goodbye.

Introduction- figure it's the right place to start

Hello all- my name is Laurabeth... and my partner's name is Cecile... Yes, I am a lesbian!!

Our family- We have four children. Mia is 11. She loves to dance, is learning guitar in school, and is truly a lifesaver when it comes to running our house. I would be hard pressed to have time to do anything without her. Mindy and Terry are 9. They are mischevious, fun-loving twins. Terry is our Hip-hop dancer. While Mindy is our Kung-Fu queen. And the princess is our Celia Elizabeth... She is almost two and tags along with Mia everywhere she goes... She is also a future dancer and most likely will want to compete in Kung-Fu as well...

Our home- We make our home in Grand Falls, New Brunswick. We bought our first home together this last December. It is a house that was built in 1949 by a man who had 11 children. The children decided this last year, after their parents passed, to sell the family home. The house was on the market for 10 months before we snatched it up. The main thing that was wrong with the house was that it needed to be updated. We put in new flooring and painted of course. We also turned the washer/dryer area into a closet area. We added a patio door. We also built a new entry that extended into the garage. We are so happy to have it finished.

Our day-to-day life- Lucky me, I get to stay home and take care of our children. I get to sit on the floor and play with Célia. I get to roll around and wrestle with my oldest kids. I also get to help with homework, create healthy meals, and give out all the hugs whenever anyone needs one. Cécile, god bless her, leaves everyday around 5:15 to go to work. She doesn't return home until after 5 at night most days. We do miss her, but our time together is enjoyed even more.

My purpose in creating a blog- I decided to start blogging just to give me a space to talk about whatever I wanted. I figure in a blog, I can say whatever I want. Na-na-nana-na-na!! (and as a side note, I started blogging on Gather.com which is where I imported my first posts from)

So, here it is... If you want to check it out- Great!! If you don't- whatever... I will continue to contribute if it's all just the same to you!!

Abortion...

I was motivated to write this because I was prompted by someone else's post... And it's really a look at where my opinions come from...

Well, here's something... Why would abortion be an option?? I am pro-choice... To an extent... I do not believe in people who are in a relationship, should abort the child that was accidentally conceived... But I do understand the want or desire to extinguish a life if the child was created through violence- rape- etc... Not that I agree that it is an option... I guess my stance on abortion is this...

I do not believe that anyone should receive or give an abortion... But I also wouldn't take that choice away from someone... and in honesty, I do know someone who chose to have an abortion... and it really made me lose so much respect for that person...

When I question myself as to why I am so against it... I just can't give you one succinct answer... In short, it is wrong... That's all there is to it... I have a child of my own... and I have faced the odds of not being able to have another... So, there is one reason... But I have always felt this way... even as a teen when I first heard of what abortion is...

well, anyways... that's my two cents...

Borrowed beliefs about homosexuality

There is a story that Plato wrote – about how true lovers are really two halves of the same person…people wander around searching for their other half, and when they find him or her, they are finally whole…all people were really pairs of people…some of the pairs were man and man, some woman and woman, and others man and woman…some lovers are heterosexual and some are homosexual, female and female, or male and male...

Please share your thoughts and feelings regarding this story...

"Augh!! Don't eat the baby!!"

I caught a brief glimpse at CSI:NY a couple of nights ago.... I was grossed out by it- but it wasn't more than that...until I woke up and found a centipede in one of my daughter's toy this morning....

Ok- most of you can't make the connection, so I'll fill you in... CSI:NY was about a chef who specialized on cooking with bugs... deep fried tarantulas, and meal worm salads... stuff like that... It was considered to be a delicacy.... In the show, a man seduces a woman and part of their date was sharing these foods while she is blindfolded... He feeds her a live octopus and the ink is poisonous and it kills her. Yes, this was intentional... and so before he could make his escape, a milipede gets away from him and goes directly for the woman's ear... at this point it eats through her brain and lays it's eggs...

Now can you understand the fear that registered when I saw this little centipede in my daughter's toy... and I have to admit that I shamelessly took the insect and dumped into the toilet... and my daughter flushed it to insect heaven... "Oh, insects of the earth please forigve me... While I did it with the intention to harm and hopefully kill your fellow bug... I did it with the intention of protecting my daughter's brain. Amen."

"Technically you're squatters"- RENT

Ok- been to see RENT at the theater like 8 times... it is totally awesome... Watched it in the movie theater... and then just bought the DVD... It is amazing to me that after having so much exposure- I am still learning what it is really about...

I can quote you all the lyrics to the songs... but I had never really listened to them... until the other day... In one of the songs, Johann says to Mark, "technically you're squatters"... So I just got it into my head to figure out what an actual squatter is... Yeah sure... it's so obvious I am not from the city... well anyways... in case YOU don't know- it's someone who occupies an abandoned building illegally... and then sets up residence... In NYC, this is very common... well- I did a search on google about the riots that occurred in the 90's in NYC... and I came across a guide... that taught you how to be a squatter...

http://www.habiter-autrement.org/07.squat/02_sq.htm

It teaches how to find a building... what you need to look for to make the building appropriate for living (by very poor standards)... and how to avoid the law...

It turns out, that a squatter can legally aquire a building without paying any money... But there are certain conditions that need to be met...

• The building must have been publically owned just prior to occupation.
• The building must be able to meet certain safety standards including health, fire codes and other building codes.
• You have to be able to prove that you have attempted to repair and maintain the building.

The interesting part about all of this... There are churches and other groups that are willing to give supplies away to help people set up their place...

If you read through the above- it really tells you the standards of living that these people accept... and it is absolutely appalling to me... One of the points that the article makes regarding human waste... is never put toilet paper in the receptacle that you are using- and if you need to have a bowel movement- wrap it in newspaper and throw it out in the garbage... EWWWWW!!
Anyways... I know that there are some people out there who want to live like this... I know that some people don't want to live like this... Whatever their lot in life- a little prayer goes out to them from my heart... I ask that they may each be able to find a little warmth in their hearts and their homes...

To manipulate God...

I read an article on gather.com about the purpose of life by Gary Edelstrom <-- Sorry if I misspelled your last name... And it really wasn't the article that inspired me, it was his comment to one of the readers... And it still hits home with me... "One of the popular messages we hear today is to BE a certain way in order to recieve God's blessings - in other words to manipulate God. When you accept that God loves you just the way you are, then and only then are you are free to BE who you are ment to be. In my experience, once God's love is accepted, then being thankful, loving, and confident comes naturally. Then, of course, there are those days when I don't feel loved and those days I do." Those are the words of Gary.... To me they are so powerful and talk to my soul....

I had a rough childhood... abandoned by mother, beaten by my father... It put me into child protective services... It was at this time that I went to live with the Hutchins family of Northborough, Massachusetts... I was taught about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints... I was baptized, adopted into the Hutchins family, and then sealed to them "for time and all eternity" in one of their temples... I followed the gospel as best as I could until I was 17... Then I realized my feelings for my best friend... and she also realized her feelings for me... We had a lesbian affair...This was almost 10 years ago... My mother took it especially hard and after being told that I was to go and live in California with an older sibling, I chose to move out... The following is a direct quote from an email that an older sibling sent on the 18th of February.... "I watched, especially my mother, be emotionally disintegrated by your actions and words. You destroyed my parents emotionally. My parents brought you into our home, into their lives, took you from a hellish life, offered you goodness and grace and like a manipulative thief, you played your part, won their hearts and then stole virtue and assistance from them as you ran off in pursuit of a lifestyle that you know, that you know, is an insult to them and everything that they hold dear. If you know anything about my parents and our family, you know that the church is #1 - period. Therefore, to have a "sister" who lives her life in such contrary measures as you do, reflects negatively on them, on me and on the rest of the family." I have always told that the life I lead is bad... and that I am going to hell unless I repent for being a lesbian...

On another side of the coin, I read in a book... which I don't have at my disposal so I can't give a direct quote or even the name of the author- sorry- about a family of devout Catholics... and when the mother was asked about her acceptance of her daughter's sexuality and her relationship with God... {She replied that she would rahter show love to her daughter and her daughter's companions than to be condemned before the lord for treating them so poorly...} That so isn't even close to the words... and I am sorry... But it hit home... That it's more important to love than hate...

Gary's words came to me just after I received that email showing how much hatred is in this "god-loving, ever-obedient, missionary of the Lord" or in other words someone that I am legally supposed to call family... again, I thank you Gary...

And let it be known, that I have nothing against the church accept for their need to teach separateness... I do believe in many (not all)of the principles that differentiate the mormon church from others... But I have never liked or agreed with the "holier than thou" attitude that reigns within that religion... I am the one who has to answer to God for my actions... But you know what- So do you!

Help!! Is there a booger-eaters annonymous??

It all begins as a piece of dust... which as you know is other people's skin, pieces of insects called dust mites, and even the bilogical waste of the said insects...

As we breathe, the dust comes up into the nose and gets trapped on all those little hairs in there that act like filters for our lungs...

Sometimes they are dry and crispy... Sometimes they are wet and sticky... Some times they are clear, yellow, and even green. Sometimes they are runny or stuffy... But most times they are picked and eaten by my almost-two-year-old daughter!