To manipulate God...

I read an article on gather.com about the purpose of life by Gary Edelstrom <-- Sorry if I misspelled your last name... And it really wasn't the article that inspired me, it was his comment to one of the readers... And it still hits home with me... "One of the popular messages we hear today is to BE a certain way in order to recieve God's blessings - in other words to manipulate God. When you accept that God loves you just the way you are, then and only then are you are free to BE who you are ment to be. In my experience, once God's love is accepted, then being thankful, loving, and confident comes naturally. Then, of course, there are those days when I don't feel loved and those days I do." Those are the words of Gary.... To me they are so powerful and talk to my soul....

I had a rough childhood... abandoned by mother, beaten by my father... It put me into child protective services... It was at this time that I went to live with the Hutchins family of Northborough, Massachusetts... I was taught about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints... I was baptized, adopted into the Hutchins family, and then sealed to them "for time and all eternity" in one of their temples... I followed the gospel as best as I could until I was 17... Then I realized my feelings for my best friend... and she also realized her feelings for me... We had a lesbian affair...This was almost 10 years ago... My mother took it especially hard and after being told that I was to go and live in California with an older sibling, I chose to move out... The following is a direct quote from an email that an older sibling sent on the 18th of February.... "I watched, especially my mother, be emotionally disintegrated by your actions and words. You destroyed my parents emotionally. My parents brought you into our home, into their lives, took you from a hellish life, offered you goodness and grace and like a manipulative thief, you played your part, won their hearts and then stole virtue and assistance from them as you ran off in pursuit of a lifestyle that you know, that you know, is an insult to them and everything that they hold dear. If you know anything about my parents and our family, you know that the church is #1 - period. Therefore, to have a "sister" who lives her life in such contrary measures as you do, reflects negatively on them, on me and on the rest of the family." I have always told that the life I lead is bad... and that I am going to hell unless I repent for being a lesbian...

On another side of the coin, I read in a book... which I don't have at my disposal so I can't give a direct quote or even the name of the author- sorry- about a family of devout Catholics... and when the mother was asked about her acceptance of her daughter's sexuality and her relationship with God... {She replied that she would rahter show love to her daughter and her daughter's companions than to be condemned before the lord for treating them so poorly...} That so isn't even close to the words... and I am sorry... But it hit home... That it's more important to love than hate...

Gary's words came to me just after I received that email showing how much hatred is in this "god-loving, ever-obedient, missionary of the Lord" or in other words someone that I am legally supposed to call family... again, I thank you Gary...

And let it be known, that I have nothing against the church accept for their need to teach separateness... I do believe in many (not all)of the principles that differentiate the mormon church from others... But I have never liked or agreed with the "holier than thou" attitude that reigns within that religion... I am the one who has to answer to God for my actions... But you know what- So do you!