The gift of Life

We always knew we were going to try again for another little baby... We didn't want Celia to grow up all alone... So, we set a date- August 2006... we were to have money saved up for an insemination at the Conceptia Clinic... As August came, there just wasn't any money there... So, we had resigned to just not have another little baby... My heart was broken... but there is more to life then children, right?

So, I made some phone calls to friends who had or were having babies to see if they needed any of the baby stuff we had... and one friend said to me...

"Why are you giving up?? Can't you just ask someone??"

I said to her... "We don't know anyone that would be able... (the few men in our lives are gay and HIV+) and that others we wouldn't be comfortable with..." then I said, "I mean really, How do you advertise that?? Put up a poster at the grocery??" She started laughing... and she said she was sorry and would come down and take a look at what we had...

Within 10 mintes, the phone rang again... She says, my boyfriend wants to help... He can have babies and he really wants to... (I don't even know him!!)

I was like- "are you serious?? Is he sure?? This isn't going to mess anything up between the two of you is it??" She was more than happy to tell me that she would love it... and thinks it's so cool that her new baby would be a "sister" to our new baby... What a thought, eh?

SO, the questions I ask myself... Should the baby know who his/her father is? Should the baby know it's siblings? THis is such a small town, what if we don't say anything and the kids start dating together? Is it too late to tell them?

pondering ~L

Desertion

September 5th began better than all the days of the past 2 months... Granted I was up earlier than I had grown accustomed... But it was better... The kids were happy... excited... and ready for their first days of school... Right on schedule, 4 other children from the neighborhood arrive and our little hoodlums were out the door with big smiles on their faces... With a kiss on each of their cheeks and a smile on each face... I wave goodbye...

As I turned, the sadness on one little face was disturbing... Our little one was being left behind... At two years old, she is too young to begin school... and really I was looking forward to time with her again...

So, we went up to her room together and practiced her numbers and counting... Then we went downstairs and practiced her colors and shapes... Then we sat together and read a couple of stories... I felt like a good mom for a day... Since then, we have done all those things just not as scheduled as they were that first day... I am proud to say that my little girl can count to 20 in English and French... I am also proud to say that she recognizes shapes and is learning their names... She can say A-G in the right order... W-Z in the right order and knows chunks of letters in between... if only we could put it all together...

Dora has become Celia's favorite character these last couple of days... She was given a Diego movie a couple of days ago and LOVES it!!! So, we try to catch Dora and Diego on the tube when we can...

It is my hope that this school year becomes a time of rapid learning for my little angel... I hope to be able to teach her to read before Kindergarten and to foster the love of books that has been innate to her since her birth... I hope to accomplish all this without pressuring her and becoming an obsessed mommy... :)