"I did it cause it felt right"- when questioned why} originally published March 21

Soft
wet
intense
wanting
passion

lips
teeth
toungue
breath
Ahhhh hhhhhh hhhhhhh

hands
tummy
Goosebumps
fear
up- NO!!
down- NO!!
whispers
Ummmmm hmmmmm ~YES!!!

Suicide and the man who jumped over the bridge...

We live in a tourist area... Home to the Grand Falls Gorge... and the Malobiannah Center... Now that spring is here, the water coming down the falls and threw the Gorge is incredible... So powerful... So beautiful...

There has been a rash of suicide's in our area... They say things come in three's and after the first two, we all wondered how number three was to occur... Well, what a surprise it was when we all heard about the guy who jumped over the bridge...

What a frightening way to die... It seems to me that if you had the option of choosing death, why do it in terror as you crash head first below into rocks and tumultuous waters... The worst of it was that it happened mid-day when the kids were out of school for lunch... So many people were witness and present...

As we read the weekly paper, the story was all over the cover of the newspaper... and while I didn't know the man who threw his life away, I felt bad for him... He was 61 years old... In a way, that makes it almost ok, right? It's better than the man who is 34 and left his wife with 3 children under 9, right?? Or the young kid, whose life was just beginning??
My thought on suicide straddle a fence... One minute I am completely against it... The next, I can see some exceptions... For instance, I support Kevorkian... in instances where pain and total dependency lingers... "Will I lose my dignity?" (from RENT) This is a way for someone to preserve their dignity while dying... I have known of a man who overdosed on medication to escape the end of death from AIDS... The trauma of dying, plus the trauma of losing so many people as he got sick... He just said goodbye to his family and good bye to this earth...
I also support the person in pain who wants to escape this carnal gift... The need to get away from it is understandable... and acceptable to me... No one should be required to live in constant pain...

You all may think that suicide doesn't touch my life... But it has... in a way that most have not experienced... At one time I was in a relationship with this incredible woman... She was beautiful, smart, funny, and just absolutely wonderful... But she also started her life in a direction that wasn't where I wanted mine to go... She turned to drugs while I was turning to education... Needless to say, I ended the relationship with such a heavy heart because I still loved this woman... and the night after I left our apartment for good, she attempted suicide... And she blamed me... Her psychiatrist blamed me... and told me that I had to go to the hospital and counseling sessions with her... But luckily I followed my insticts and said, "No way!!- She can not blame me. I did not force her to attempt to end her life. I did not force her to take the path the she chose to take to end our relationship." I said No...

Have I seen her since?? Yeah a couple of times... and everytime we have, it's been incredible... passionate cause we always end up in bed... but then it's that emotional drag... and I can't do it... and neither can she... We last saw each other about 7 years ago... I miss her smile... and I miss her laugh... And I do wonder how she is on occassion...